Magic: the Gothic
Someone in r/custommagic posts a 1-mana artifact that taps for {C}. They call it "Sol Lacuna". Someone posts a 1-mana artifact that taps for {C}. They call it "Lunar Disc". Someone posts a 1-mana artifact that taps for {C}. They call it "You are a wasted realization, too".
You scroll and see a Siege Rhino reference. The mere sight of an Abzan war beast causes you to exhale 3 life from your nose. You feel compelled to post Rhino, too, if only to get your 3 life back.
You ask r/magicthecirclejerking how Revel In Riches can be stopped. OP says it can't, because their wife's boyfriend is the only one allowed to use Negate decks. You wonder if MTCJ's fascination with cucking is a Freudian reflection of multiplayer Magic's all-consuming growth, or if they're just edgelords.
The meme in the form of a card costs 10WWWWW. It reads "You gain 15 life and sacrifice 15 permanents." It reads "You get an emblem with 'You can't win the game and your opponent can't lose the game.'" It reads "As an additional cost to cast this spell, burn a $100 bill on live television." The flavor text reads "White bad." It is an instant rather than a sorcery, you notice. Somehow that barest upside feels like an act of resistance.
Your opponent casts Fact or Fiction. You give them the pile of three: Bolt; Rick, Jaded Scientist; and a full-art Memory Deluge. In its art you behold yourself, grinding KHM limited in a windowless room in between pointless job interviews. Your opponent's Berg Strider taps away the only choice you had to make this turn. It feels warm like a father in the cold.
Someone posts a 0-mana sorcery counterspell with upside. Someone posts a 2-mana sorcery counterspell with upside. Someone posts a 1-mana sorcery counterspell with upside. Mystery Booster 19 has a 0-mana sorcery counterspell with upside. It's a playtest card, which means it's trying to exist and not exist at the same time. You see Gavin Verhey's face in the mirror, averaged with your own, and your hand snaps to your wallet like you're clutching a rosary.
You are at a Commandfest. You are in a megachurch. The pastor describes a man who bears a crown of thorns, creating food ex nihilo. You glance at the cross and realize that Oko died so that Magic may live. You open your heart, and your inner search for meaning is transmuted into a 3/3 green Elk.
You're getting into this new game. It's a dude-smasher TCG that's ugly in a Hearthstone-y way. It's just like Magic, but you can just forget about it someday. It's nice.
You're on a road trip through the American Midwest, going to a Grand Prix to play cube with some acquaintances. From the driver's seat, your friend is reading aloud spoilers for the new commander set. You look out at the endless cornfields, gold grown tall casting long shadows in the sunset. They, too, are interchangeable slop.